obligation celebration

Now that the real holidays are out over lets make way for our annual celebrations of obligation aka mother's day. I was going to write a gift guide but after some deep thought i realized that would be pretty inauthentic since i don't even really like my mom. I don't hate her, maybe I even love her a little bit, but i certainly don't like her.  Her and I had an estranged relationship for years and for some reason I resumed communication with her a few years back, and have since gone back and forth every holiday about whether I need to involve her in some way. The answer is no, I don't call her, I don't see her. If she calls me I'll answer but she usually calls the next day to gripe about how no one called her. 

Over the past week or so I've been struggling with whether I get my mom a gift or do something with her for mother's day. This weekend I've decided that no, i am not doing anything for her. She is not a mother, maybe by birth but not by much more.  I'm not obligated to celebrate her just because she gave birth to me, she's been a shitty mom my whole life and I am not going to pretend I am grateful for "all she has done" because society says I should. I've gone back and forth on this so much that I did get her something, obviously I no longer plan on giving it to her.  She doesn't lift me up or support my dreams, she doesn't call me just to say "hi", she's unstable, and usually has an agenda, she has never been there for me or my siblings in any way Any opportunities she gets to redeem herself, she takes five steps in the other direction. 

This post isn't meant to make you feel bad, I wrote it because I know there are other people struggling with this right now and if anything I'd like them to realize that they are not wrong for feeling this way. I was compelled to share my feelings about this topic when a girl I know brought up how other people try to dictate how she should feel about her mother and they didn't even know her story. Your toxic mother does not deserve your time. She has made me question so many in things in my life and I will no longer give her that power, deciding not to celebrate her has been one of the most freeing decisions I've made for myself. 

All that being said I have had some wonderful female influences through out my life and I will be celebrating them instead. 

 

                                                     Reality check: not every mom is selfless enough to nurture her family

 

                                                   Reality check: not every mom is selfless enough to nurture her family