So it's been awhile, I'd apologize but I'm not going to.  In the past 5 months lots of shit has changed. Let's start with the bad- my godfather and father passed away a month apart, that was hard. Like really hard, I still can't believe it somedays. They were both really young, my dad was sick for a long time and even though we knew this day would eventually come it was still really unexpected. I miss him everyday. My uncle wasn't sick physically, and no one could believe his passing, we knew he was going through a hard time but we were shocked, he had always been so happy and in some ways the back bone of my extended family. He always tried hard to do well but the past year or so weren't so great for him. That being said if anyone reading this is struggling with depression or thoughts of suicide please reach out for help, no matter how hopeless you feel people do love you and your life is worth something. 

It's hard to believe anything good can come after all the loss this year but I finally got fired from my bullshit excuse for a job the day I got back from Mexico,  Derek didn't really give me a reason other  than I "wasn't a good fit." I like to believe he found my blog posts. I know that doesn't sound good but it is, literally the day after my dad passed I got an amazing job as an executive assistant at a well known hospital (take that douchey Derek!) I've been here for about 4 months now and so far it's been awesome! I honestly feel like my dad had something to do with it because I almost didn't go to the interview but I knew he would be disappointed if I didn't. 

Some days are harder than others and some days I cry for "no reason." The triggers are so random, like I literally can't listen to blink 182's new album because my bf played it on the way to my dads funeral. People say it gets better with time but I truly don't think it does, I think you sort of just get used to the pain. 

              R.I.P. Dad I love you